day twenty.

right then. throw me in at the deep end. i'm back in croydonia and i intend to pick up this shit. i know, i know, i'm all talk. why is it that when i do so well on not eating junk in one town, the next
place defeats me. i have no idea. anyhow i'm resorting to the original plan of fruit, water and more or less the same dinner. here's hoping the running will come with it naturally. hey guess what? my father didn't say that i looked like shamu when i stepped through the door. great - maybe it's a development. sigh. if any of you lost boys and girls were thinking of stepping up (<3) with me, now is the time to do it. welcome to day twenty.

i'll be back in bournemouth april 22nd, which adds up to day 42. so i'll see you at the finish line.

day nineteen.

i am listening to harry potter audio tapes whilst playing harry potter on the ps2. this is my life.

day eighteen.

the weekend was not properly discussed. we pretty much drank for 72 hours, which is a fairly new experience for me. sunday morning was spent watching lesbian porn. i met a delightful clairvoyant whom i cant seem to find online, and managed to persuade half the triangle that i was a drag queen named olympia. new career choice y'all. i need to get home and keep this diet going since my eating habits here in bourneo have descended into eating butter and other available lipids. lollipops are also a new ting. furthermore, it doesnt help that sarah jane cooks tasty pork chops and does barbecues in the back yard. photoshopping has suddenly become an entertaining way to pass time between pate adventures. this blog is a little redundant for the meantime since now it really is one of those "this was my bullshit day" blogs. onwards and upwards though. im still less of a fat bastard than when i started it. only minimally mind - i still resemble the jabba thing from star wars.

day sixteen/seventeen

christ, i don't know how long i slept for but it wasn't very long, and occurred after we stayed up all night. like seriously, there was daylight its gross. and there was a lesbian in our house shouting that she eats poo. no joke. its hard to keep track with this whole dieting shabang since this weekend went past me like a blurry scooby-doo background that keeps repeating.

day fifteen.

some bird said i lost weight. score.
so as with many of my impulsive ideas, i decided to just eat whatever for a few days, since i cant afford to buy fruit and whatever. how embarrassing for everyone concerned. then at home im upping the ante and running everywhere and eating nothing. because there its so much easier. when i come back people can fawn over me. i suck.

gonna go downstairs and watch tv with megan in a bit, before we go out again to le triangle. i cant keep away its gross. im deffos drinking way less alcohol than i used to anyway so there's no judgment to be made. shout out to rachel proctor <3

day fourteen.

the shit hit the fan. sarah-jane brought golden grahams into my life again and i felt gross. i also just ate a boost, but given that my energy levels feel alarmingly depleted as of late, i felt that i needed the sugar. as well as the praline goodness. as i write, housemate to the stars jodie campbell-downes is reading over my shoulder. "write something about how amazing i am, you may choose to use the words 'comical genius'". so yeah we didn't go for the run today but im about to embark on a course social where alcohol will be present. sucks for me. but karaoke? ooh go on then. shout outs to rachel palmer. and tomorrow i will eat nothing but skinny. i havent found love yet.

day thirteen.

unlucky for some. me being that 'some'. see that hot mess to the right? thats me. a gross great big gross enormous disgusting gross fatty. i had tuna for brunch, which is fine, but dinner was a soupy pasta thing and oh god i feel full. for some reason, when you have a tonne of food, its easy to not eat it. as soon as you start to run out of supplies however, you want to eat everything in sight. why does life suck? i miss fruit. i just miss it. i still have my water though. do your fucking essay and stop writing a blog that no one gives a dairy dump about.

day twelve.

megan and i have started watching the murder game. its an old bbc murder mystery gameshow and its the shit. but that's by the by. i went to see the boy when i woke up. totally forgot to eat something, but that's not so bad. when i returned i ate spaghetti in tomato sauce right outta the can. gross? some might say delicious, and cheap. i also splat a fork of it into a piece of bread and made a makeshift sarnie. i dont think megan was too impressed (we were on her cutesy new bedspread). ive run out of fruit before you ask. and food in general actually.. christ knows what im gonna do from here on in. dinner was packet pasta - im hoping that still keeps shit below 2000 calories. should go for a run but this frakking essay needs doing. big up batv.

day eleven.

well day eleven was just the shiznay. i repped my usual kiwi fruit but decided that cereal is definitely the way forward. who knew? like, is it bad for you? it cant be that bad and it fills you up like crazy. that bint on the special k advert says you lose weight with it. i can be just like her oh won't you love me mummy and daddy am i not good enough for you?!

sorry. just had a moment. dinner was tuna rolls and a cup a soup. i swear ive never been so full in my life. ive reached the stage of not feeling hungry :D megan and i (the housemate) decided that karaoke would be just grand in the eveningtime. we squeezed in a run beforehand, not as easy though this time, then got our drink on. i simply had to eat a yoghurt beforehand though, cause i thought i was about to keel over. then i went and sang three embarrassing songs and introduced myself to a queer that i apparently already met a load of times. clearly he's soo memorable! came back and created a vile ham, cheese and coleslaw sandwich, watched rupaul's drag race (duh) and played harry potter on le ps2. being drunk on that shit is so bizarre i literally was harry for half an hour. or like, 3 hours. wow remember when i used this ting just for dieting needs.

day drunk.

yeeeah im drunk.

day ten and a half.

that was totes the best run ever. i did an additional lap so i could listen to 'what the hell' again. and me and jodes are going again tomorrow. it's got to the point where its not so much a chore anymore. i actually really love it. why not give it a go? do it for america. time for a kiwi.

day ten.

ooooh double figures, fancy.

i found myself on a car bonnet today, being tootled around a car park. i'm quite sure it wouldn't have contributed to my diet but i thought i would mention it anyway. thanks be to housemate sarah-jane, for locking the car door i wanted to get through. i had no option but to lunge in front of the windscreen before she sped off. bitch. so anyway i didnt have time for breakfast this morning. we ran out to a rugby event and stopped off at lidl on the way - grabbing some rolls and scotch eggs and doritos. munched on some in the stands and therefore violated the fruit-only aspect of my diet during the day. ill just have a cup a soup and some fruit for dinner. or i could quit being a bitch and go for a run. im gonna do it. its time to kick this shit up a notch and start exercising more. you'll be seeing just how effective the run was on tomorrow's post.

oh and finally, some scandinavian hoe gave me a massage at this rugby event and practically ripped out my shoulder blades. christ, i quite fancied hitting her with a construct-it-yourself chaise longue from ikea. shout-outs go to jennie blows and her housie michelle.

day nine.

blatantly never been as hungry in my life. for some reason today has seen me finish off a bit too much philadelphia and the biggest mac n cheese of my twenty years. i could easily go for a run right now too but im gonna wait til later. jodie and megan said theyd come too but only on their bikes. (well jodie will borrow mine cause its a chicks bike anyway. who knew there were gender specific bikes? yeah i know, everyone, except me when i was like, yeeah ill have that pink and purple one right there please mr. bike salesman. dickhead.)

so yahhh ive felt pretty good the last couple of days, except earlier when i caught myself in a mirror and thought, who am i kidding? maybe i do have body dysmorphia. after all, i do see rik waller staring back at me. still at it though, keeping under the amount of calories and whatnot. it smells of fart in here. x

day eight.

i have to do this diet now regardless of whether i want to or not. i have no money left. zilch. so i'm working off what i have left in my cupboard. i havent eaten as of yet - i'm at uni with an iranian bird and we've just finished our only seminar of the day. it's raining like a motherbitch so i don't particularly want to cycle home, but at the same time i really gots to get some kiwi into my person. im thinking dinner tonight will be soup (again). or maybe a cheeky pasta dish. i'd also go for the run i desperately need but rose (some big friend) is coming over for slumber parties. what's wrong with me - any excuse. but i soldier on, dear singular lonely foreign person reading my blog.

and i still haven't found the rowntree.

day seven.

balls. i definitely came back from the night out and downed some prawns. but hey. ive also just had a big ol' bag of onion rings but ive treated it as dinner since im going out for amy's birthday in a bit. i'll pocket a tangerine and have that when we're there. shit is expensive in this restaurant apparently. i neeeed to go for a damn run but rose's breasts distracted me and now we're watching glee. the homos start pashing soon.

day six.

it's not that i don't want to go running, i just find that stuff gets in the way. i actually really like running. but when someone asks if you fancy a night out its usually tough to turn down alcohol and queers in a dark space, and given that ive only eaten a few pieces of fruit and some tomato soup (it was fit) today, i didn't want to overdo it before a heavy night. and it will be a heavy one cause the last night was crazy long ago. over a week i tell you. so yeees things are going just fine. water is definitely my best friend. im sitting with a bottle and a glass of it. why? your guess is as good as mine. running tomorrow.

day five.

i've never been so happy to eat soup. i got a little hungry today and the potato and leek was goood. except my philly on ryvita fell off the arm of the chair and splat itself onto my laptop. sucked.

after eating just a few measly pieces of fruit without the tuna, i thought my evening run would be crazy effective if not a little hard. but i definitely fell asleep and didn't do it. did cycle over to a boiiis house though in the eveningtime. so some form of workout was done. i wish i had the scales though cause i feel really good right about now.

day four and a half.

jodie and megan came with me. avril, katy and britney helped me round the field a good 6 times over half an hour, then we played on the swings and roundabout! mixed feelings of lower class loitering and playful childish glee.

day four.

oh hai bournemouth. i figured today i'd get some serious hunger, i always do in the studenty bournemouth house. but after a banana for breakfast and no stomachy feelings whatsoever, i didnt much need lunch. jokes, i did anyway. i had an apple (christ it was enormous) and a tangerine, followed by a tin of tuna. yes, just on it's own. i even took the tin opener to uni and sat in the glorious sun with sara, reed, ben, alex and some fuckoff wasps and bees. we discussed japan.

for dinner i had a bowl of pasta. yess, i know, but in total it still adds to being way below my daily calorie intake. and it tasted bangin. megan and i are watching bad girls, but in a second i'm going on my first jogging session in bournemouth.. down the road and round the recreational ground. hopefully my housemate jodie will join me, but who knows. i feel good so far and hopefully it will laast. similar day tomorrow, but we'll see depending on this run. one thing's for sure, i'm gonna limber up beforehand this time. i'm not repeating the croydon cramps.

oh, and a lovely lady called holly gave me her tamagotchi today <3

day three.

second verse, same as the first.

today marks my final day at home home in croydon. jodes is gonna take us back south in a bit, so time is running out to find my damn tamagotchi. i just want to play with it again.

anyway today saw me feel even less hungry. i wonder if it has something to do with my waking up at bizarrely late times in the day. maybe there's just no time for me to get hungry what with getting straight in a bath then watching zombieland. yaaay. another theory of mine is that when you're constantly snacking, you're always thinking of when to next get up and gnaw on some chicken or whatever. just forget about food altogether and the craving dies with it.

jo (you know, my good friend joanna lumley) says that to get skinny and stay skinny, you must lose interest in eating completely. i had my usual pieces of cruddy fruit and a gallon of water and then had dinner as usual. it was like a pork/gorgonzola/veggie caserole with roast potatoes. my housemate sarah-jane would have just died.

i'll start the proper jogging and exercising thing when i return, since i didnt bring adequate shoes home and my pink fluffy headphones broke. the next two days are studio shoots though, which last for longting. maybe tomorrow the hunger will finally strike.

enter sean.

http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/

some clever homo sent me this. work out what you need to eat in a day to avoid a painful death, and don't go over it! see, you don't need gillian mckeith.

day two. 203lb

so i didn't warm up enough before yesterday's run. this happened last year when i tried this venture for maybe the 4th time in my life. the first time nothing much happened. the second time i lost about 2 stone and got to my skinniest, but what with the ridiculous efron-y hair, i looked lanky as. i feel (hope) things will be different this time. by these calculations i guess this is the 5th time ive given the fruit/water/jogging pseudo-regime a go. this time it will be a success.

so anyway i should've warmed up more because my thighs, calves and groin have been tensing slightly today. i didn't manage to go for a run but kept at the diet with ease. why the hell have i not been hungry? usually i'm a massive gay hoover.

i had a cousin's birthday event this evening. we were supposed to go to tgi fridays but shit me, 2 hours to wait? we're not seeing lavigne at hammersmith. we went to pizza hut across the road. ohgod. it's alright though, i had the salad bar and a kid's pizza, which according to my diet is perfectly fine. because it's dinner as usual right? i barely managed the salad let alone the kid size pizza. i hope this is a way of things to come.

i'm 203lb. the weigh-in this morning was quite surprising since i weighed at least 215lb around christmas. my goal is 190, that's totally doable. even though i don't actually have scales at uni i'll be back in croydon in a month so i'll check then. more running tomorrow, but right now i'm gonna watch 'salt', with angie jolie jumping over things.

day one and a half.

oh, and i forgot that jogging gave me itchy nipples.

day one.

i woke up and felt like this would be totally easy.

water has become my friend through these fad diets. i really feel like if you want to detox in any way, water is the key. (so if you really hate drinking it, get over yourself) i awoke feeling good and about to embark on a positive mission. glass of water. wasn't even particularly hungry. where i might've usually had toast (at about 2pm), i ate a banana, kiwi and a tangerine, with some watery cup-a-soup crap - doddle. oh yeah no snacking either. i returned to my blandly decorated bedroom in croydon to watch dead man walking (susan sarandon owned) and apply to work in the homeware department of asda. there's no knowing where that'll lead, but what came next was a bit of a wakeup call.

i usually manage the 3 mile run around the block past the horses with relative ease, but apparently the past 2 months have been troubling to my person. breathing ended out being difficult and i started to feel like that bird at the end of martyrs. still, i pushed on through. if you don't run then i highly recommend you start. you don't even need to be in the best of shape to build up a relatively good fitness level over a couple of weeks. you'll surprise yourself, you don't need to run far - just over 30 minutes.

fish and chips for dinner. it kind of sucked. but with less salt and sauce and whatnot, i'm keeping my dinners relatively the same, just smaller over the course of this thing. more water.

apparently i misplaced half my day - i guess i need to get more into the swing of this. oh, and i didn't weigh myself today, i'll leave that til tomorrow. i'm giving myself until day thirty to see how i look in the mirror. give or take a day of running. pretty soon other forms of exercise will emerge.. and the much will begin to vanish.

the search for the rowntree continues!

early hours.

i find myself listening to joanna lumley's audio book. it's 1.26am. she's rambling about a trip to africa where everything's "perfectly lovely" and "sweet smelling". what a babe. i decided that i needed to escape and give her a naughty listen after my also perfectly lovely father decided to announce to the living room that after i had arrived from a 2 month absence away from home, i had gained a whole bunch of weight. i wasn't spectacularly bothered, but came to the realisation (that i imagine pretty much everyone will at some point) that we, as a creature, focus a crazy amount of our attention on body image.

so, i'm about to change the world.

nah, give a fuck, i just wanna be skinny and have everyone love me yaay. i guess i was bothered. i feel as if i *broadcast* this information, i might actually stick to a challenge and make my housemates/coursemates/friends feel awful for not joining me. because even though most of them don't need to lose weight, there's no point in them whining about it if they don't actually do it. and also, because if i'm about to turn grouchy and evil i'm taking everyone down with me.

i'll be blogging what i'm doing in terms of food and exercise (if you give a damn), and who knows - maybe one day meryl streep and amy adams will find themselves in the movie version.

this bad boy to the left was photographed on his first day at uni. corfe house. times. it's what's going to drive me to lose the love handles. jogging tomorrow. and half the amount of what i'd regularly eat. i'll be posting my starter weight and i guess i'll pick my goal weight there. topless photos will arrive when i begin to resemble matthew mcconaughey. feel like a MASSIVE FATTY? then join me.

- the river bevis x